UnNews:Jason goes to hell
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Jason goes to hell
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 06:49:UTC)(
20 October 2010
Fifth Circle of the Inferno, Hell -- Jason Voorhees has been found guilty of cold blooded murder and has been sentenced to hell for an undisclosed period of time. The masked murderer shall have his soul released to the afterlife by drowning. From there, Lucifer will collect his soul and place him in the 5th circle of Hell for Wrath. Details are scarce as to what led to his capture and execution, but a possible source, Freddy Krueger had this to say:
“I followed him for some time trying to see what his motives were. I confronted him when I knew he was killing people. I'm a humanitarian you know. I love the people and I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt them.”
Keeping true to the tradition of the 5th circle of the Inferno, Jason will be forced into the river Styx to have an eternal fistfight with other known sinners of wrath during his time in hell.
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