Japanese Attack Pearl Harbor Again!
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Saturday, May 23, 2015, 02:27 (UTC)
7 December 2011
PEARL HARBOR, Hawaii -- The Japanese Air Force has attacked Pearl Harbor again, on the 70th anniversary of their first attack, citing "those godsforsaken water motorcycles" as the reason.
"Straight eyes all ride noisy bikeys, wakey up wifey and childrens," announced Admiral Yosha Kumikara of the Japanese Pacific Fleet. "All day and all night, rvvvvvvvv, rvvvvvvv, rvvvvvv, bikeys ridey through water, can't hear self thinkey. Order attackey."
The United States Army, Air Force, and Coast Guard eagerly joined in the attack, crippling hundreds of those tiny noisy one-man waterscooters (a.k.a. Wakey uppey machines). "The Japs have the right idea on this one," says Corporal Wayne Nogiveortaker, USMC. "If I let one more day go by without killing one of those water hippies it would have been one too many, believe you in me."
"We welcome straight eye support," said Admiral Kumikara. "Findy every bikey, and, BOOM, KABLOOEY, BLAZOOEY, they all at bottom of sea leaking oil for the next 70 years."