UnNews:Japan's reconstruction minister resigns, all reconstruction stops
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
5 July 2011
TOKYO, Japan -- Japan's newly appointed Reconstruction Minister, the most honorable Ryu Matsumoto, said Tuesday he has submitted his resignation following heavy criticism for a joke he told to mayors of the disaster-stricken Tohoku area. Accordingly, as of midnight Tuesday, all clean up and reconstruction work in the island nation has ground to a halt.
"I tendered my resignation as most honorable Minister of Reconstruction along with the resignation of all persons working on reconstruction in Japan, to the most honorable Prime Minister this morning," said Matsumoto who appeared in a press conference struggling to suppress a sly grin.
He had been appointed to the newly created ministerial position only nine days ago.
Matsumoto came under heavy criticism after his telling an off-color joke during a meeting Sunday with Miyagi Gov. most honorable Yoshihiro Murai and others, who were greatly upset by his bad taste in humor.
Miyagi was one of the areas hardest hit by this year's devastating earthquake, tsunami and multiple nuclear meltdowns.
Matsumoto also refused to refrain from chuckling after telling the joke to Murai. He also proceeded to tell more jokes to the governor, making fun of Japan’s seniority systems, insisting that it is patently absurd that the host should enter the room before the guest even if the guest is already in the room.
Matsumoto apologized on Monday for any misunderstanding which may have offended most honorable tsunami victims and promised that his intentions have always been in the best interests of humor.
Before becoming Reconstruction Minister, Matsumoto helped tsunami victims as a volunteer stand-up comedian. "It was an enormous job, and I have witnessed much laughter, even amidst the most hellish situations. Especially popular were Pearl Harbor jokes," he said.
He also declared that rebuilding of the tsunami stricken areas was also ridiculous because more earthquakes, which will simply undo all their best efforts, will certainly strike Japan. But he did state that he has no intention of actually ridiculing the disaster victims.
Insiders familiar with Japanese humor informed UnNews that the offending joke concerned a most honorable doctor speaking to a tsunami patient in a hospital. The doctor said to the patient, "I have good news and bad news, what do you want to hear first?" The patient replied, "Tell me the bad news first." So the doctor said, "We have to amputate both your legs!" The patient was horrified at this prospect, and nervously asked, "What is the good news?" To which the doctor informed him, "Most honorable patient in the next bed wants to buy your shoes!" Matsumoto then proceeded to chuckle.
Matsumoto's resignation is a fresh political blow to most honorable Prime Minister Naoto Kan, who has been fighting off pressure demanding his immediate resignation.
Several most honorable members from the opposition party have jumped on the occasion to question Kan's capacity of taking responsibility for Matsumoto's actions and rebuilding the radiation-soaked country.
Kan is not expected to appoint a successor to Matsumoto's position any time soon. For the present all clean up and reconstruction efforts in Japan are on hold pending a further disaster.
Meanwhile, in Alaska, diabolical military scientists at The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP), encouraged by earlier successes, are working feverishly toward that very goal.
- Staff "Japan's newly appointed reconstruction minister resigns". CNN, July 5, 2011