UnNews:Janitor finds 40 year old Big Mac in Closet
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Janitor finds 40 year old Big Mac in Closet
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 30, 2017, 20:36:UTC)(
24 August 2007
CHICAGO, Illinois -- Normally, a 40-year-old sandwich would be something to be avoided. This sandwich was no different, especially since after all those years it was perfectly preserved. Yesterday, janitor Harold Marmalade found the sandwich in the closet of an old abandoned warehouse that some believe used to belong to someone who purchased a Big Mac at McDonalds.
"At first I was really tempted to take just a little nibble to see if it was still good," says Mr. Marmalade, "But I figured it was someone else's sandwich. I didn't grab it for myself until the next day."
Mr Marmalade wasn't certain what to do with the Big Mac at first.
"I thought I might sell it on E-bay at first, but then I decided to donate it to a museum. That sandwich has brought me more fame than I could ever hope for." Marmalade said. "I'm practically a celebrity now."
Only after carbon-dating the sandwich were scientists able to tell that it was forty years old.
"It was very interesting," said lead scientist Jordanna Michel. "The chemicals in the sandwich, combined with non-deteriorating ingredients, actually preserved the sandwich in whole, with the exception of a few sesame seeds."
To celebrate the burger's anniversary, some stuck-up rich guys dedicated a museum to the sandwich.
"The Big Mac is certainly one of our most popular sandwiches," said spokeswoman Danya Proud. "There is only one Big Mac and there will only ever be one Big Mac."
- Lotta Lies "Future archaeologists will find Big Macs and Twinkies". Pavlov's dog, August, 24, 2007