UnNews:James Cameron elected new Prime Minister of Pandora
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James Cameron elected new Prime Minister of Pandora
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, July 3, 2015, 00:17:UTC)(
18 May 2010
HOMETREE, Pandora. Polyphemus. Alpha Centauri. Milky Way -- Earthling James Cameron has been elected the Conservative Prime Minister of Pandora in a landslide result which literally saw the voting population of Pandora turn a darker shade of blue.
Cameron's film epic Avatar which first put this natural computer generated paradise in the universe, was voted in by the Na'vi in a close fought election against the Humanoid 'Wipe the Bastards Out' party and the more moderate Amnesty for Aliens Democrats Party. An emotional Cameron arrived at Hometree to celebrate with his partner Suzy the Blue Fairy. Brushing the hanging foliage from his eyes, Cameron then made a speech.
When I started on this project five years ago, I changed the party's name from the Nasties to the Conservatives. Those who didn't like it stood against us in the helicopter gunships. You, my dear Na'vi, have stood up against these bullet firing bullies and have voted in vast numbers to make me Prime Minister. I also like to thank the Academy and everyone else who voted for Avatar or went out and bought the DVD. Where Pandora goes, the rest of the galaxy will follow.
In attempts to make his new government more inclusive, Cameron invited the leader of the Alien Democrats Nick Jaundice to join the government to make it more a bilious green. He said he hoped the combination against the Bloody Red Eyed Wiper party would bring stability to Pandora and help fund a sequel to Avatar.
There was some disappointment that Cameron didn't include any women in his first government. It had been expected that leading Na'vi warrior Neytiri and her husband Jake Sully would be included in the government but the pair chose to stay in bed for a bit longer on a their double hammock. Also other tribes of the Na'vi like the Aquamarines, the Astral Smurfs and Blues Brothers also declined to take part as they felt uncomfortable being lead by someone with the 'wrong skin colour'.
Prime Minister Cameron's first official visit as leader of Pandora will be to head off to Polyphemus to see that planet's Supreme Leader Basilisk Obama. They are expected to hold talks about off planet drilling in the local asteroid belt.
Pandora is a natural satellite of Polyphemus, explained Cameron as he was about to step on board the spaceflight to see Obama. We see eye-to-eye with our Polyphemian cousins which is easy as they only have one. Pandorans have found that having two eyes helps us to give them a 3D view of the cosmos which is very useful in this era of rogue financial asteroids coming by and destroying all life on our moon. Just as long as no one opens the box labelled MELTDOWN..then I think we will get through this.
- Nogood "Can the new Pandoran Prime Minister James Cameron keep a lid on expectations?". MTV, May 18, 2010