UnNews:Italian ruling excites celebs

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Italian ruling excites celebs

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Saturday, March 24, 2018, 08:29:59 (UTC)

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9 September 2016


More bombs! More bombs!

ROME, Italy --


The world is mine!

Politicians, tinpot dictators, spiritual leaders and ideologically inclined media personalities have finally been relieved of one of the most nagging worries that beset the famous. After being exposed to the erudite consideration of the highest court in Italy, a case of public masturbation has received the recommendation that it be dropped. Not since the days of Diogenes has a wank in the park been given such a hand from the legal system.


My empire, I see it!

While the case focused upon Pietro L., a relatively modest person in terms of fame, the ruling has excited many who are in full view of millions of people when they indulge their autoerotic daydreams. Messages are flying among the mighty as they passionately extol the wisdom of decriminalizing the exceedingly common but formerly disparaged practice of displaying their inner fantasies in public.


Africa is mine!

There are still a few benighted places where the inner truth is not allowed to emerge into the light, but once the barriers have been breached, it is only a matter of time.


Bill's not the only one who can make a mess of the Oval Room.

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