UnNews:Italian election too close to call as Florida tally disputed
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Italian election too close to call as Florida tally disputed
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, July 30, 2015, 04:29:UTC)(
10 April 2006
(Rome, Italy) Earlier today exit polls showed incumbent Silvio Berlusconi's party has been defeated by challenger "Ray" Romano Prodi, but the lastest tally reveals the race is too close to call. Prodi was almost certain of victory by 3pm, but the country's three main TV channels - all owned by Berlusconi - refused to proclaim a winner.
With 95% of the votes counted, it all comes down to the Italian vote from abroad; specifically, from those voting in Florida. Supporters of Prodi's center-left coalition are already crying foul over allegedly poorly designed ballots. They claim the ballot was confusing, with those intending to pick Prodi selecting Pat Buchanan instead. One elderly voter exclaimed, "Mama mia! The punch-hole for Buchanan was right next to Ray's name, and also, I spilled some pasta sauce on my ballot sheet."
Berlusconi was unavailable for comment, and his spokesperson was able to confirm only that his political party "Forza Italia" will play his soccer team "AC Milan" at the colloseum next Friday, regardless of what the election results are. The pope was quoted as favoring AC Milan in that matchup, but was unable to predict the victor of the election.
White House officials are anxiously awaiting the results, as whether Italians keep their troops in Iraq could depend on the winner. Press secretary Scott McClellan was coy however, saying only that the president "will not comment on any ongoing elections, but has been practicing the pronunciation of 'Prodi' just in case." Off the record, a senior official revelaed the Bush's nickname for Prodi would be "The Prodster." He currently refers to Silvio Berlusconi as "Silver Boy."
Election officials met with TV executives in an effort to organize the most exciting ballot-counting process possible. Sweeps week will start on Wednesday. Channel 3 Producer Mario Fonzarelli promises live coverage of the Florida ballots being shipped to Rome. "And for an added twist," he adds, "they will be driven around the Circus Maximus in a chariot, for everyone to see." Final vote results are expected by the end of next week. Should incumbent Berlusconi lose, he will be "fired" live on TV by Donald Trump.
- Some uncyclopedian "[ The magical land of Italy]". Italy, April 10, 2006