|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
28 January 2009
Recent studies have pointed to the fact that it is still illegal to pull your penis out in public places. Many men feel that it is time for change and they would like to take their genitals out of their pants and play with it for a few minutes. Men can not control their horny levels and most of the time the only option is to stroke it for a while, but the law has refused to let down. Currently there are petitions being signed to reform public masturbation laws. Otto Pylot, a major leader in the Free Masturbation Movement, had this to say,"Men are starting to have discrimination brought up against them. If a woman was to masturbate in public she would only be gawked at and no legal action would take place (that is if she is hot and she is shaven). On the other hand if we were to do that, even if we are shaven ,we are forced to spend months or even years in jail, that's bullshit! However, we are not asking for much. If there were special areas set aside for touching yourself that were separated from everyone body else we would be happy, such as fapping and no fapping sections in restaurants. That would be awesome." These "wackos" as they call themselves have vowed that they will be able to publicly masturbate by the year 2069.