UnNews:Israel deploys the latest in its arsenal - giant inflated Jews
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Israel deploys the latest in its arsenal - giant inflated Jews
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, June 27, 2016, 13:22:UTC)(
23 July 2007
TEL AVIV, Israel -- Following the most recent intifada, continuing Islamist unrest in the Gaza strip and anxiety and steadily growing concern on the Israeli side of the border, the new Israeli minister of defense, Ehud Barak, has announced the release of yet another gruesome weapon in the never ending war on terror.
"We have come to the conclusion that after using carpet bombing, napalm, claymores, bazookas, rocks, hallucinogens, naked Israeli soldiers, AK47s, super glue, nerve gas, monster trucks, tripods, pinball machines, Turkish coffee, ethnic cleansing, American television shows, English cuisine, Microsoft Windows, Arab nymphomaniacs AND tanks, we have yet to achieve any significant gains in the war on terror. They just seem to grow stronger by the day."
"And so, we decided to reanimate one of humanity's greatest fears, and inflate those fears with the hot air of antisemitism. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Flying-Hot-Air-Inflated-Jews!"
With that dramatic notice the sky above Tel Aviv grew dark as a huge menacing form silently appeared overhead. The Flying-Hot-Air-Inflated-Jew, or F.H.A.I.J., was dressed in black, with a bullet-proof yarmulke, a floating interest rate and 25 inch twin-barrelled hooked nose.
Screams of disdain followed the appearance of the giant Jew:
"Look at that nose!"
"And that infested beard!"
"It's a crayon!"
"It's a Zeppelin!"
"No!!! It's a Flying-Hot-Air-Inflated-Jew'!"
"Yes," hummed the Minister of Defense, smug as the darkening sky made his sinister appearance appear even more sinister than it usually looks, when he just turns out the lights and holds a flashlight under his chin. "I believe we have found the ultimate solution for terror. Lastly, moo ha-ha!"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|