UnNews:Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No its Professor Stephen Hawking!
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2 March 2007
WASHINGTON - Paralyzed British astrophysicist Stephen Hawking, author of the blockbuster "A Brief History of Mime," has been allegedly been living a secret double life as a "superman"! Calling himself Professor Singularity Hawking has allegedly been seen regularly flying from an underground base near his home in England.
"The persona presented to the world is but an elaborate secret identity", an unnamed source claimed last night, "in reality the man can run faster than a speeding bullet and leap tall buildings in a single bound!"
Hawking's true identity was revealed after he was photographed dodging laser fire last week (see rightmost picture) as his arch-foe Death Beam Man (thought to be former boxer George Foreman) tried to finish him off in a final, epic battle. Luckily for Professor Singularity, he managed to suck Death Beam Man into a Black Hole he conjured up at the last second.
Professor Singularity also helped save the earth recently from certain doom after his other arch-nemesis Miss Chaos (thought to be the sexy American Idol judge Paula Abdul) tried to deploy a giant orbital laser platform to, quite literally, blow us all up!
Hawking was quick to dispell the rumours this morning, "EXTERMINATE - EXTERMINATE", he electronically squawked, angrily.
