UnNews:Is Kansas Godless? Or just stupid?

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.

14 February 2007

BLASPHEMY!!!

TOPEKA, Kansas -- Heretic scientists and godless Darwinist fools were pleased today when the Kansas State Board of Education shamefully abandoned its previously heroic stand against the teaching of evolution in public schools. Their souls are now forfeit, and they shall spend eternity slowly roasting in the agonising acid-fires of the lowest levels of Hell for the amusement of Satan, their master.

The Bible, fount of all wisdom and knowledge, is unassailable proof that the Lord created the world. Despite this incontrovertible eyewitness account, evil malcontents and deluded dupes continue to insist that their enormous amount of "hard evidence" and "facts" in favour of evolution should be considered grounds for questioning the very word of the Lord, who is YOUR God. Textbooks issued in Kansas shall henceforth incorrectly refer to the blasphemy of evolution as though it were even remotely possible to entertain doubt that the Lord created all things that were, are, and ever shall be.

Creationism, often referred to by the wise as "intelligent design", is the obvious truth. It states that Genesis is literally true, just like the rest of the Bible. The so-called "theory" of evolution is the disgusting filth spawned from the diseased mind of Charles Darwin, who was an abomination in the eyes of Our Lord. Recent Creationist historical research has found proof that he founded the Nazi party of Germany, the Communist party of Russia, and Al-Quaeda. In his ridiculous heathen scientific mumbo-jumbo he says we must all have sex with monkeys, or something.

Plans for ceremonial burnings of school textbooks and burnings of the State Board of Education in effigy will be posted at your local church, after prayers for the redemption of their poor, damned souls.

Sources

• "Kansas Standards Evolve". Church Knitting Circular, February 14, 2007