UnNews:Is Kansas Godless? Or just stupid?
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Is Kansas Godless? Or just stupid?
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, February 24, 2017, 11:16:UTC)(
14 February 2007
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The Bible, fount of all wisdom and knowledge, is unassailable proof that the Lord created the world. Despite this incontrovertible eyewitness account, evil malcontents and deluded dupes continue to insist that their enormous amount of "hard evidence" and "facts" in favour of evolution should be considered grounds for questioning the very word of the Lord, who is YOUR God. Textbooks issued in Kansas shall henceforth incorrectly refer to the blasphemy of evolution as though it were even remotely possible to entertain doubt that the Lord created all things that were, are, and ever shall be.
Creationism, often referred to by the wise as "intelligent design", is the obvious truth. It states that Genesis is literally true, just like the rest of the Bible. The so-called "theory" of evolution is the disgusting filth spawned from the diseased mind of Charles Darwin, who was an abomination in the eyes of Our Lord. Recent Creationist historical research has found proof that he founded the Nazi party of Germany, the Communist party of Russia, and Al-Quaeda. In his ridiculous heathen scientific mumbo-jumbo he says we must all have sex with monkeys, or something.
Plans for ceremonial burnings of school textbooks and burnings of the State Board of Education in effigy will be posted at your local church, after prayers for the redemption of their poor, damned souls.