UnNews:Iron Man Signs Endorsement Contracts with Nike
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Iron Man Signs Endorsement Contracts with Nike
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 26, 2015, 04:53 (UTC)
10 July 2008
BEAVERTON, Oregon - Nike, a worldwide coprporation that sells sportswear and equipment always has a major poster boy with an endorsement. For the past few Years, Tiger Woods, The greatest golf player of our time and perhaps the most talented player ever, has been the poster boy of Nike. Through his endorsements with several companies, Nike was the largest and most important. This deal was one of the deals that made Tiger the highest paid athelete ever. However, during the 2008 U.S. Open, Tiger injured his knee, taking him out for the rest of the golfing season.
The Nike coproation lost their poster boy to an injury so they had to find a replacement. A-Rod? No, he was too busy with Madonna. Derek Jeter? No, he was out of his prime. How about Lebron James? He already had Vitamin Water. Board members were having trouble finding out who to choose. But one man went to the movies to see Iron Man. And when he came back, he knew it was the right decision.
Nike had to contact Iron Man, however, and that took some trouble. They couldn't contact him at ll because he was so popular from his new movie. After they finally reached him, however, he said a deal would be great.
So he came down to sign the contract that Nike said would increase their sales by over 50%. So when Iron man came down and signed the papers he immediately started making commercials for the new line of sports equipment exclusive inspired by Iron Man himself. The product line is called "Iron X", and the slogan is "Nike makes you are". Despite being cheasy and tacky, the line has spiked sales at an alarming rate.
Nike says that they have made the best deal they have ever made and are currently dicussing cutting Tiger's contract so he can go to Gatorade or someone else. Tiger says if they cut him he will never use any of their products ever again, but Nike isn't worried about that. They have Iron Man and are ready for Tiger to leave because they selling thir products at the best rate they ever had.