|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
29 June 2010
DUBLIN, Ireland -- It has been revealed today that the Irish Space Programme have launched the first plane capable of flying to the Sun. A team of chuffed Aerospace guys, having signed a pact with Satan, told the world of their local of their amazing feat of engineering.
Based on Richard Branson's designs for Space planes, the Irish team merely put in a bigger engine for a longer distance. "Some say," spoke director of the project, Miles Edward O'Brian, "that you can reach space with a rocket ship. We know that you can get there in half the time with a few bits of sticky tape, a paperclip, a little blue tack and a rubber band." The plane runs on geothermal energy, which is "naturally abundant across Earth".
A team of Ireland's best have been selected for the mission. UnNews had the privilage to speak to Commander-Doctor Patrick O'Patrick. "It's an honour to be considered, after all there were hundreds ahead of me in the line, but I've no end from the wife ever since selection. She keeps saying i should pack plenty of Sun cream, but I keep telling her, 'Bitch, you can't get Sunburn in space.'"
The Irish Space Programme, funded by the Personnal Republic of Ireland Commerce Collection System (P.R.I.C.K.S.), has hailed the project "the greatest thing man's done since Guiness. Or Sex." Blessed by some fairy dust, the plane, dubbed the SS Icarus, is due to take off tomorrow evening, to apprantly compensate for the immense heat of our local star. As Connor O'Connor, the mission doctor told the conference, "The heat problem? We've already thought of that. We're going at night."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|