UnNews:Iraqi attacks down 55%; Bush wants $200bn to celebrate
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Iraqi attacks down 55%; Bush wants $200bn to celebrate
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, January 19, 2017, 23:55:UTC)(
18 November 2007
Washington, Irving: (STD) After the Pentagon announced insurgent attacks in Iraq were down by 55%, President Bush asked Congress for an additional $200 billion “to celebrate the success of the surge.” “There may not be much time left to hand out billions to my cronies like Halliburton and KBR,” Bush told an audience of Fox News reporters and Neo-con conspirators at a plush gala hosted by Fox News reporters and Neo-con conspirators at a Washington hotel. “Those who have claimed the surge wasn’t working ought to pass this budget just to keep me from saying ”I told you so,” the President said while smirking like a possum eating shit.
“Mission accomplished,” quipped Vice-President Dick Cheney. “We’ve robbed the coffers of this nation’s resources to the tune of about 2 trillion dollars. I’d say the war was necessary and a success,” and turned and shot an attorney. “Starting a little early aren’t you?” the President asked Cheney. “What are you gonna do, impeach me?” Cheney responded.
When a reporter asked about Saddam admitting he was bluffing about weapons of mass destruction and that the war was based on false claims made by a tortured Guantanamo detainee, they all laughed. “How'd you get in here? Have you ever been to Guantanamo?" Cheney asked the reporter, then shot him.
The Democratic controlled Congress has been reluctant to fund the war, primarily because most of them have not been on the receiving end of the billions handed out to Bush and his cronies. “A little wouldn’t hurt,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “Why should the Republicans be the ones having all the fun?”
“Why do you think I’m an Independent?” asked Sen. Joseph Lieberman (I-CT) after hearing Pelosi’s comment.
- "Attacks Down 55%". KUNA, 19 November, 2007
- "White House takes on Congress". Google News, 22 October 2007