UnNews:Iraqi PM tells Americans they don't have to go home, but they can't stay here!
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15 July 2007
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BAGDAD, IRAK- Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki has told the United States that the hordes of infidel soldiers don't have to go home, but they sure as shit can't stay in Iraq. This comes as a surprise to most people in the world because a few weeks earlier, Mr. Al-Maliki wanted the troops to stay in Iraq. The Democrats are finding this hard to swallow because it shows that Mr. Bush has indeed an exit strategy so sought for by Congress. In an unrelated news conference, a CNN reporter heard Dick Cheney calling Mr. Al-Maliki wishy washy and something to the effect that "he needs to make up his gawd damned mind."
Mr. Al-Maliki said his troops can fight and are perfectly prepared to abuse its own citizens, debunking claims it needed Americans to abuse and torture Iraqis, case in being Abu Ghraib. The Iraqi PM went on to say that in spite of the hospitable atmosphere to the
terrorists Americans, "We don't need you guys to help destroy ourselves any longer...we've got it covered."
The Prime Minister said that all experimentation on citizens would be handed over to them immediately and natural turmoil would take its course. All 18 benchmarks were met on time and now it has been proposed a spring or summer pull out would suit the Iraqi Parliament. Some of those benchmarks included:
- Killing/Raping citizens indiscriminately
- Resumption of oil refinery sabotage
- Creating safe haven for revered Martyrs
- Systematically destroying holy shrines
- Allying one self with anti-Zionist nations
American policy makers are happy that the war is almost over, so they can start to cover their tracks in money laundering and other menial tasks often associated with wars of this nature. They are not so happy that in less than a month, the Iraqi Parliament is going to take a vacation. "The Iraqis want out us, then screw you guys, we're going home!" Whilst many American soldiers are finding the role of Al Qaeda Bullseye less and less appealing. "I used to love the daily tit and tat we used to play with Al and his buddy Qaeda, but it'll be kinda nice just go home and fuck my best friend's sister or something." Said one soldier on the impending pullout.