UnNews:Iraqi PM postpones meeting with Bush to watch TV show
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Iraqi PM postpones meeting with Bush to watch TV show
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, April 26, 2017, 10:06:UTC)(
30 November 2006
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AMMAN, Jordan -- Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki abruptly postponed a scheduled meeting with US President Bush and King Abdullah of Jordan on Monday. Initial speculation suggested the move was a snub against the American President, but it was later revealed that Mr. al-Maliki simply didn't want to miss a new episode of his favorite TV show - "America's Top Model." The scheduled meeting was to have been followed by dinner, which would have surely lasted past the 8 p.m. broadcast.
Trilateral talks between the world leaders are meant to help resolve the deepening crisis in Iraq. While other media organizations such as NBC news have decided to now refer to the conflict as a "civil war," UnNews has instead decided to use the unbiased term "Apocalypse - the final sign of the End Times and the battle between good and evil, heralding the imminent return of Our Lord Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of Heaven", or "fragfest" for short. The Bush administration is putting increasing pressure on al-Maliki to be more proactive in trying to stop the fragfest.
A White House memo written by national security advisor Stephen Hadley revealed that despite supporting him in public, the US administration has little trust in the Iraqi Prime Minister's abilities to quell the violence and rule his country. Monday's incident seemed to confirm at least one suspicion laid out in the memo; Hadley claimed that, "al-Maliki is unable to set his priorities straight. He is more interested in television shows than he is in the political process." The leaked document also cited an instance when the Prime Minister refused to allocate more funds to the electric grid, but when a blackout interrupted last season's finale of the hit show "House," al-Maliki instituted a nationwide curfew and demanded that "all funds and manpower be devoted to restoring power and to finding me a DVD of that last episode."
Meanwhile, Bush's visit with Jordan's King Abdullah went on as scheduled. The two discussed regional issues and didn't publicly react to al-Maliki's absence. Speaking to reporters afterwards, press secretary Tony Snow tried to play down the Prime Minister's decision, saying that "It's quite understandable to want to watch one's favorite TV show. Especially one with hot girls like in 'America's Top Model.' I'm TIVOing it myself actually." He also added, "We hope that the sight of beautiful American women will inspire Mr. al-Maliki to reform his country into a US-style democracy." Rumors have it that to help avoid such embarrassing incidents in the future, Bush plans to purchase a DVR for the Iraqi leader as a present for "Christmas or Kwanzaa or whatever it is those people celebrate."