UnNews:Iraq vote count is screwed up
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Iraq vote count is screwed up
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, January 19, 2017, 09:25:UTC)(
21 March 2010
Jalal Talabani demanded that the Independent High Electoral Commission manually recount all votes. "But only in Palm Beach and Dade Counties," he clarified. Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, trailing badly in the initial count, had already called on the commission to respond to such demands, but only in the 11 provinces where he is losing.
The U.S. Army, ever since failing to find Weapons of Mass Destruction, has been building the Iraqis schools and libraries to transform them into a people who will not respond to sectarian strife with killings and bombings--nor respond to a confusing election by sending in teams of lawyers, as happens in some of the world's more backward countries. It is not clear what role the Army had in the vote-counting chaos, but it seems they can't do that right either.
A recount could further extend political wrangling and harm the Army's current mission in Iraq: to make U.S. President Barack Obama look decisive and pro-American. "The call for a recount is unacceptable," said Mr. Obama, decisively. "When I reform something, that means there is no political wrangling." Responding to the disarray and the claims that the election was being stolen, Mr. Obama added a recent signature line of his: "The American people want results; they don't care about process."