UnNews:Iranians somehow lacking oil

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Iranians somehow lacking oil

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29 June 2007

Fuel rationing has been on the rise in Iran recently, though residents can't seem to figure out why. "We're having to ration oil? Are you serious?" inquired Abu Al-Moussehauf upon being told of the recent rationing. "What next, we run out of sand?" Many Iranians, unhappy about the seemingly impossible shortage, have taken to burning Petrol stations in protest. “We will fight this unjustness the only way we know how- with fire!” screamed protest leader Rekkev Metousawi. “Things burn in symbolism!” Along with the burning, chanting is another method of bringing about the common good for Iranians. “Death! Tanks! Guns!” cried the angry crowd outside a burning petrol station upon being asked what their favorite movies contain.

Two Iranians rush through an Oil Refinery, preparing to burn it

Many Iranians blame Ahmadinejad for current gas woes. Most notably, his “I will do what I want and there’s nothing you can do about it” policy seems to be affecting the current situation. Many analysts have speculated on how President Ahmadinejad will redeem himself in the public’s eyes, but no one had suggested what he did yesterday- producing “helpful energy saving hints” for his citizenry to utilize. “Perhaps,” said Ahmadinejad to a group of reporters through a translator, “You should have a ‘drive-free’ Wednesday. Or, you should only top off the tank on a Friday.” “It’s really a classic way of getting through an energy crisis,” said policy analyst Ron Betterman. “Carter did it first, but that doesn’t have to mean he did it best.”

Until the rationing is over, some Iranians remain positive. “I think this rationing can be important,” said Al-Moussehauf. “We waste a lot of petroleum, and rationing could fix that.” But a majority of the population remains unsure. “Death to rationing! Death to petroleum!” screamed Metousawi. Metousawi then lit a truck on fire, simultaneously lighting a fire of protest in the hearts of his countrymen.

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