UnNews:Iranian government releases new "Iranian Waters" line of bottled water
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Iranian government releases new "Iranian Waters" line of bottled water
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 17:37:UTC)(
5 April 2007
TEHRAN, Iran To celebrate its sabre rattling and claim to territorial waters that actually did not belong to it, the Iranian government today decided to release a bottled water based on the controversy in order to make a few bucks off of something other than oil and hostages and such.
"We are still very protective of our wonderful waters and will subject anyone who attempts to partake of them without permission to severe penalties and get medieval on their buttocks. But now, anybody who has an opposable thumb and a few bucks can enjoy our waters with our full permission and blessing."
Iran was reportedly working on a series of television commercials featuring cartoon British sailors trying to steal the wonderful water, only to be outsmarted by the Iranian Navy and held up to worldwide public ridicule instead of partaking of the exaulted water.
International reaction was mixed, but according to the Iranian government the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office was delighted and included with their grovelling apology (which according to one Revolutionary Guard source "the President said we somehow managed to lose- Hey, Ali, maybe it was in that shipment of explosives we sent to the insurgents in...? D'Oh!") their joy that: "At last we infidels can possess that Mohammed-blessed (praise Allah) Iranian water we've been trying to get for years. We just cannot contain our filthy western joy that we shall soon get some of that Iranian water."
An Iranian press secretary denied alleged 'Hypocrisy' based on the fact that the water was in actuality bottled at Zionist Conspiracy Bottling Co. in Newark, NJ, however this has been proven true by Uncyclopedia investigative reports.