UnNews:Iranian Secret Service Hails "Operation UnNews Apathy" a "Great Success"

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22 June 2009

Ahmdinajad
"Thanks for the apathy, Western dogs!"

TEHRAN, Iran. Iran's Secret Service has today declared that, in spite of nearly a week of massive public unrest in the Islamic Republic, its plan to ensure "disinterest" amongst UnNews reporters was a "resounding success".

"Our country has been riven with riots and unrest not seen since 1979", said the Iranian Intelligence Ministry, "and yet despite this those navel-gazing Yanks and Brits at UnNews were more interested in reporting on bloody Jon Stewart and yet more stuff about Walmart!."

"Of course, there were probably a few reporters out there taking an interest in the biggest news in the Middle East for years but the ones that weren't drunk or prone to online distractions were quickly diverted by friendly calls from our efficient and expert secret agents telling them "Who cares about Iran? Why not do another story about the British expenses scandal to go with the five billion others?"

The Iranian Intelligence Ministry admits that the plan did not go 100% thanks to "someone slipping under the radar a little on the 20th" although they point out that "it only happened because of a British connection, so it doesn't count".

Iran's election-stealing dictator President-elect Ahmadinejad has "congratulated" the Intelligence Ministry on "a blow against the wicked, irreligious and Satanic so-called UnNews". On being pointed out that he was being quoted for an UnNews article he responded, "You fuckers!"

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  • Source: Every single news outlet, June 2009
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