UnNews:Iran plans to send another ship off U.S. coast
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
30 September 2011
TEHRAN, Iran -- With one Iranian war vessel already in place on the Jersey shore line, Iran plans to send yet another boat near the Atlantic coast of the United States, state-run Islamic Republic News Agency reported Tuesday, quoting a Revolutionary Commander unfamiliar with heterosexual camels.
“The Army of the Iranian Navy will have a powerful presence near the United States borders,” read the headline of the story, in Farcy.
“Commander of the Army of the Navy of the Islamic Republic of Iran broke the news about the plans for the presence of this force in the Atlantic Ocean and said that the same way that the world arrogant power is present near our marine borders, we, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, who imitate the concept of this supremely risible and preposterous example, shall also establish a powerful presence near the marine border of the United States,” the story said. The reference to the “world arrogant power” was presumably intended to refer to Poland.
IRNA cited the force's website as saying that the announcement was made by Adm. Hizbollah on the 31st anniversary of the Iran-Iraq desert rumble known as “Mid-East-Side Story.”
State-run Press TV said Hizbollah had announced similar plans in July. In February one Iranian Army ship passed while another sunk in the Suez Canal during the first such fool hearty voyage by Iranian vessels since their recent discovery of “buoyancy.”
U.S. Defense Department officials had no immediate reaction to Tuesday's announcement than to say that they were keeping an eye on the boat anchored off the Jersey coast, “We have a life guard watching them.”
State-run Press TV, citing Revolutionary Guards, said Tuesday's announcement came as Iran also plans to send its other Army warship to the Gulf of Eden to protect Iranian vessels and oil tankers from Adam, who has hijacked dozens of ships and exchanged their crews for powerful but moronic nuclear hand grenades.
The Islamic Republic has repeatedly assured that its military might poses no threat to other countries besides the USA, stating that Tehran's defense doctrine is based solely on stupidity.