UnNews:Iran invades Quebec, no one notices
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Iran invades Quebec, no one notices
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, June 25, 2016, 16:11:UTC)(
9 May 2006
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Once Iranian Special Forces were in-country, they found it almost impossible to be taken seriously. Strangely enough, because Iranian accented English sounds exactly like the local French-Canadian accent to other Canadians and Americans, no alarm was sounded in either Canada or the US.
It was not until Iran's crack troops, the psychotic, fiercely loyal Qods Force of theIslamic Revolutionary Guards Corps paratroopers burst through La Ronde (now owned by American company Six Flags), biggest amusement park in Montreal, that authorities became suspicious. The International Fireworks Festival, held there every summer, was mistaken for the small, scattered firefights which actually did ensue, until local constables and Right-wing paramilitary realized it's not summer yet.
Just southeast of downtown is Old Montreal (Vieux-Montréal), an historic area with such attractions as the Old Port, Place Jacques-Cartier, City Hall, the Marché Bonsecours, Place d'Armes, Pointe-à-Callière Museum, and the Notre-Dame de Montréal Basilica, all of which were blown to shit.
No assistance was refused once the Canadian military became involved. Maurice "Mom" Boucher, a Hells Angels high-ranking member and convicted criminal, was let out for service. Mr. Boucher took charge of the 73rd Hydro-growers Artillery Battalion, "mostly because those explosions are just so cool, man!", Boucher told this reporter at the front gate of a Canadian Super-Maximum security penitentiary located in North Montreal.
Maj General Yahya Rahim Safavi, supreme redundantly-Islamic commander of IRGC was interviewed during the fiercest of the fighting, while tens of tens of bullets flew, somewhere in Canada. He quipped, "Heh, we'll teach these cheese-eating, besotted, scum to mess with Islamic Fundamentalism!"
When informed that the Iranians were, in fact, fighting the wrong cheese-eaters, he exclaimed, "I knew I shouldn't have trusted American intelligence! That damned survey showed, what, 60% of American adults can't find Iraq on a map!?! Jesus!"
- Rev. zim_ulator, apathetic agnostic "Persian Muslims won't go for French pea soup". UTCAA Big Book of Nescience, August 12, 2001