UnNews:Iran inaugurates first unmanned bomber
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
23 August 2010
The 4-meter-long aircraft is said to have a range of 620 miles. That is too short to reach the "Great Satan," as Iran refers to the United States, or even the "Little, Yarmulke-wearing Satan," as it refers to Israel.
"Though it will bring death to the enemies of humanity," Mr. Ahmadinejad clarified, "it has a main message of peace and friendship," though most people struck by an unmanned drone do not care intensely what the message was.
He said the jet's goal is to "keep the enemy paralyzed in its bases." It will achieve this by never requiring that the enemy's aircraft scramble to meet the incoming threat. Mr. Ahmadinejad added that the aircraft is for deterrence and defense--just like when the oil-rich nation that is swimming in electricity produces uranium, allegedly to generate electric power.
Israel has threatened attacks against Iranian nuclear facilities, but Mr. Ahmadinejad warned that Iran's reaction would be overwhelming--and would sputter and crash halfway over Iraq. "The scope of our reaction will include the entire earth," he said. "Except for the 99% of it we cannot reach."
Asked directly about the drone's lack of range, Mr. Ahmadinejad said, "There is a chip shop on the edge of town it might be able to reach. They have always short-changed me. The bastards."