UnNews:Iran holds conference to debate the existence of women
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
13 December 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
TEHRAN, Iran -- Iran is hosting a controversial conference this week, whose aim is to debate the existence of women. Wacky President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has often said that that the presence of females is "just a myth" and that the subject needs to be studied carefully to determine the truth.
Experts and misogynists from around the world have been invited to attend the gathering, which has been almost universally condemned. Ironically, even women attended the conference, but they were wearing burqas that covered their entire bodies, so "it was impossible to tell their actual gender," claimed one participant. Iranian demographers acknowledged that perhaps "a few women" existed somewhere in the world, but that they numbered maybe "a few dozen" in all, not the 3 billion that most sources claim.
Despite ostensibly being open-minded and about "debate" on the subject, the conference participants were clearly pro-Iranian in their views. Key scientists on the panel testified that the myth of women was "a Western propaganda tool meant to destabilize the Islamic world." The scientists went on to claim that the United States performed sex-change operations on dozens of men and showed them off on vile programs like the "Miss America Pageant" to make it seem like women were commonplace.
An afternoon session even involved audience participation. One expert asked members of the audience to raise their hands if they had ever interacted with a woman on the internet. Not a single hand went up. The presenter chuckled and confirmed that "there are in fact no women on the internet, because there are no women at all." He also explained that many people may mistake certain men for women; for instance, former US Attorney General Janet Reno.
Critics of the conference were appalled, and demanded that Ahmadinejad explain how humans can reproduce without female members of the species. The charismatic Mahmoud turned to reporters and retorted, "You see, these heathen Christians claim to be righteous and moral, but they want to talk about such immoral and perverted things like sexual intercourse. This is not something that Muslims discuss because we actually have dignity and values."
The groups most outraged by the Iranian conference are feminists. They staged their own gathering in San Francisco to counter the Tehran meeting and promote women's rights. Former President Bill Clinton will be the keynote speaker because "nobody knows the ladies like Slick Willy does." Current President George Bush had no comment about either conference, saying he is awaiting a report on the matter by the "Woman Study Group."