UnNews:Iran Tests New Weapons
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Iran Tests New Weapons
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 2, 2016, 17:55:UTC)(
5 April 2006
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Tehran, Iran - The Islamic Republic of Iran has continued to display a series of state-of-the-art weapons today, after it fired several missiles into target ships in its latest war game. The missiles are said to be the fastest in the world, discounting all Russian, American, English, and French designs made since 1940, and capable of avoiding radar, preventing the Weather Channel from tracking them. This comes on the heels of Sunday's test of a similar "light speed" torpedo said to be capable of sinking any ship so long as it is in fact already leaking very badly and filled with volatile gasoline.
The well publicized war games have led the Bush administration to rethink its hard-line stance against Iranian Nuclear ambitions, and Washington insiders are hinting that they may in fact support Iran in its quest to join the so called "Nuclear Club" after seeing such awesome firepower. Elsewhere, Israel's Prime Minister Ehud Olmert announced today that Israel would soon surrender entirely to Palestine because of the possible devastation awaiting them at the hands of Iran. "While our air defense could likely defend against Iran's weapons without being turned on, these disturbing revelations cannot be ignored" remarked Israel's defense minister.
The complete geopolitical ramifications have yet to be felt as talks of a new Iranian Super Power emerge. "As it stands, I feel Iran could not be stopped if we tried" stated an egg covered French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin, fresh from a stroll through the pristine streets of Paris. Meanwhile, the official handover of Tel Aviv to Hamas is expected this Thursday, which will mark the last Israeli town to be evacuated. "I can be proud that President Ahmadinejad has backed up his wide sweeping rhetoric with hard results" commented one Iranian bystander. "The vote that was pre-written on my ballot has really made a difference!"