UnNews:Iran Asserts It's Doing "Nothin'"
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Iran Asserts It's Doing "Nothin'"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 23, 2015, 06:36 (UTC)
2 June 2006
WASHINGTON, DC -- The United States heard a noise yesterday and yelled into the other room at Iran, asking what it was doing. Iran replied, "Nothin'!" After a little while, the U.S. heard another noise that sounded an awful lot like Iran was refining radioactive materials that could be used to make an atomic bomb. The U.S. yelled again, and Iran responded, "I'm not doing anything! Geez!"
The U.S. answered back, "You better not be, mister, or I'm going to send some jets in and bomb you good!" Iran responded that it wished the U.S. would get off its case, and that anyway, the U.S. "wasn't the boss" of Iran in the first place. Israel commented that Iran "was so" working on nuclear weapons, and Iran called them a big squealer.
This is the third incident in six months where the U.S. heard a weird noise coming from Iran, only to have Iran swear it wasn't doing anything it wasn't supposed to and that the U.S. needs to chill out. Iran has admitted that yeah it's got some nuclear material, but it's no biggie, they're only using it to develop energy for the country.
The U.S. was quoted as saying, "I'd like to be able to trust Iran, but ever since that hostage incident it's really hard. Once it's gone, trust is a hard thing to win back."
- Garrison Keelhauler ""Iran Plays CDs Too Loud, Keeps America Up"". The Weekly Week in Review, June 2, 2006
- Mohammed Jihad ""America Thinks It's So Tough, But It Really Isn't!"". The Death To America Weekly Review and Sports", May 22, 2006