UnNews:Iran's Ayatollah Khamenei calls UK as new Great Satan
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Iran's Ayatollah Khamenei calls UK as new Great Satan
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 22, 2017, 23:18:UTC)(
The Ayatollah Khamenei's rating of "The Great Satan" label was just reapplied to the United Kingdom now instead of the USA with Israel still being " The Little Satan". The Ayatollah explained that the British government had gotten into arguments with Iran. Over such things as gay people being beheaded in order to keep up with the Iranian claim that they don't have homosexuals in their nation, women who got rapped being accused of adultery and being stoned, and the sale of oil being used to fund terrorism. The Ayatollah claims that such arguments by British government officials is untrue and unfair, that Iran is a nation of peace with love and kindness towards all of Allah's children. When asked about modifying missiles for longer range and nuclear bomb testing, the Ayatollah claimed that the increasing of the range for missiles is to help Iran develop a space program, and that any nuclear technology will be used for peaceful proposes like running nuclear power plants. He does know know where these British officials got that idea from. They must have been listening to those violent protesters who are claiming nonsense like the last election was rigged. "All we want is peace, is that too hard to ask for?" the Ayatollah was quoted as of saying.
The USA was downgraded to "The Middle Satan" because it is less evil than the UK and more evil than Israel. When the Ayatollah was asked if the title of "Satan" was too strong a word, he said look let's use the title of "Stooge" instead because it is of secular origin. So now the UK is the Moe Stooge, the USA is the Larry stooge, and Israel is the Shemp stooge, because that was their original order on vaudeville stages before they got a contract to make a series of short films and Curly substituted for Shemp and later Shemp replaced Curly after he had a stroke. "Look, there are a lot of stooges out there, there is room for a Curly stooge, a Curly Joe stooge, a Curly Joe Derita stooge, a Curly Joe Besser stooge, a Curly 4 stooge, etc we'll even consider a Don Knotts stooge, a Tim Conway stooge, a Harvey Korman stooge and more." All in the name of peace, love, and understanding.