This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
14 June 2008
Americans like things large. That's no surprise to anyone who has ever heard or smelled an American before, so it's not shocking that in celebration of the summer the State of Iowa has decided to create the world's largest swimming pool from their own back yards.
"Well Sir, we couldn't just sit here and have nuthin to do. I mean, it gets right hot out here with nutthin' but the corn all day, and boring too, so we're hoping to turn the whole place into one giant swimming pool to throw the biggest pool party you've ever seen!", said the Mayor of Palo, Iowa from an inflatable gator-shaped pool raft floating in what used to be City Hall. "Everyone's welcome! Minnesota, Kentucky, Wisconsin (bring some of that cheese dip, wontcha?), Illinois, Missouri, Nebraska, and South Dakota are all welcome! Hell, bring along North Dakota, too; we've got room for 50 more!"
In order to get enough water for the project, every person in Palo, Iowa turned on their faucets non-stop for weeks. The water trickled at first, slowly filling the ditches and gullies creating little wading pools before reaching the Cedar River, overfilling it's banks much like a bath tub. And, just like when a tub overflows in the movies and someone opens the bathroom door, the water came crashing out into a terrific flood of fun and adventure for the people of Iowa. Just look at those happy people taking a cool wade to work!
"It sure beats driving!", said Hank Waites as we took this photograph. "By swimming to work I save time by avoiding traffic and shape up, too! The kids love it! Saves on gas money too!"
But what will happen if the rest of Iowa doesn't join in on the project by turning on their taps? Currently only a few towns are flooded and there is a lot of open corn-filled ground in Iowa. Officials have no answer.
"Well, then, I guess then we're gonna look mighty foolish. I mean, we took all that time flooding the place and even building those sand bag walls to hold everything in; it would be a shame if nobody else joined us.", said the Mayor, "In the meantime, who's up for water polo?"