UnNews:Invisible Man evades capture
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Invisible Man evades capture
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 23, 2017, 20:30:UTC)(
24 June 2013
QUITO, MOSCOW, DISNEYLAND Where is he? USA?
American security services are hunting the world for a man in bandages who leaked the story that President Barack Obama doesn't actually exist. In a shock revelation, fugitive/CIA/Illuminati operative Edward Snowden says Obama is really a hologram created in a top secret research facility know as Paranoia.
Snowden, who says his shock discovery has forced to flee the world and hide under bandages like a burns victim, discovered the awful truth about Obama when cleaning out his iTunes library.
"I really believed in this guy but now I have discovered he is a pseudo-three-dimensiona X-Box product," said Snowden. "I believe he is a token ethnic sprite from Send in the Drones who found his way out."
Now the whistleblower believes he has done the world a service by showing how the USA has been secretly accessing everyone's information. In a final message before he once again covered himself in bandages, Snowden said:
"I can't stay here. I may head to Egypt and lie low with the mummies, but by then I trust I won't be recognised. I expect Lord Snowdon [the former husband of Princess Margaret of England] will have a hard time if he fancies returning to the USA. His passport will get flagged up! But now I must away!"