UnNews:Investment Bankers laugh for not being invited
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Investment Bankers laugh for not being invited
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 7, 2016, 16:04:UTC)(
29 August 2006
LONDON CITY - A hot, naked party invitation was emailed Friday to a high-profile group of investment bankers in London City, only to be sadly withdrawn later as a mistake. Bankers receiving the email chuckled as their hopes of gaining access to the party evaporated, forcing them to return to their sad, miserable lives of incredible wealth and power.
The detailed instructions on how to get to and in the party brought immediate boners to the bankers, who quickly RSVP'd. The instructions contained secret passwords and hints each invitee had to follow strictly. Each invitee also had to respect exact arrival times in order to avoid suspicion among lurkers and authorities.
After complicated entry procedures, an escort would guide them to the underground strip bar, where a "gorgeous group of hot, horny sluts" would be awaiting them. A very culturally enriching programme would follow, including "cumshots at 10:00 p.m." and "blowjobs at 10:30 p.m.". Lucy said, "it is all on me," which unfortunately never happened, either.
Lucy also reminded everyone the "strict dress code" of the event. "Advice 2: Photos will be taken... and these will be put on porn websites once processed, therefore you may want to be naked and well-groomed! ;)" Despite the fact that none of the Citigroup bosses who received the email were actually mentioned on the invitation list, an impressive 86 percent responded positively.
Gao has since been promoted to Vice President of Blowjobs.
- Daily Mail "Embarrassed city girl apologies as party email goes around the globe". Daily Mail, 08 25, 2006