UnNews:Internet dissolves into chaos after TLD registry opened
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Internet dissolves into chaos after TLD registry opened
We distort, you deride
Thursday, May 28, 2015, 10:31:UTC)(
26 June 2008
Teh Internets-- The Internet is predicted to melt down to a sludgy mess of wires, sparks, and furry porn today, as billions of people decide to go insane at once and mass riots break out near crucial DNS servers. It's going to be fun to watch! But why is it even happening in the first place?
Well, it all started when the ICANN, who runs the Internet, decided to open up the registration of Top-Level Domains- like .com, .xxx, and .cx, to the public. Since then, sites with names such as "ebbehwankelfurryporn.here" have been not only possible, but widespread.
"Why? WHY? WHYYY???", commented a random Internets user. "I have a hard enough time remembering to put .com at the end of every site, and now I learn that there's even more of them! They're coming to get meee! They're going to kill us! THEY HATE US ALL!!!"
Sadly enough, this isn't an isolated incident. Many people have reported having trouble finding sites like Wikipedia and other sites under the .org TLD. "I thought it was Wikipedia.com. Nobody told me it was under a different internet!" When asked what the hell he meant, this random person replied, "The .org internet. And now people can create their own internets? This is madness!"
After meeting online and discussing their problems, a group of n00bs calling themselves Only Humans Against the Internet (OHAI) have planned a spontaneous outbreak of violence against servers, lolcats (which are even more widespread now than ever thanks to the .cheezburger TLD), and everything else they find offensive about these "new internets". In other words, pretty much everything.
And, of course, spam and virus levels are up. Again. Don't ask why, they just are.
One of the most popular new TLDs to emerge is, surprisingly, .ra. As a certain Internet prank was discovered by more and more people, thousands of .ra sites cropped up, with the same annoying Flash video all over it. Dammit, when will these people ever learn that RickRolling was only funny the first few hundred ti...
This UnNews broadcast has been interrupted by 1337h4x.ra, thanks to one of several thousand new bugs that nobody's patched in the new IPv6 system. We're never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...