UnNews:Internet Explorer 6 is not responding
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Internet Explorer 6 is not responding
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, November 26, 2015, 04:33:UTC)(
4 January 2007
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WASHINGTON, D.C- In a sombre press conference this morning, federal officials announced that Internet Explorer 6, a famed American explorer dear to his nation, had stopped responding on a mission to 127.0.0.1
"We are left with a number of options," said US Exploration Committee spokesman Richard Marshall today, "and we must stay calm if we are to think clearly. Internet Explorer 6 may be busy, waiting for a response, or he may have stopped running. I strongly hope against the latter, for his sake. We could simply ignore this incident, or choose to end this now. That would cause any unsaved information to be lost, however."
Internet Explorer 6's seemingly hopeless situation has sparked varied reactions from the American public. "Though he is not responding, presumed crashed, my family and I are still praying for IE6's safe recovery." commented Hank Abegg, a baptist minister present at today's press conference, "God will retrieve his poor soul from the depths of moral decay. You have my word on that." Other hopefuls decided to stay quiet, lighting candles for the lost explorer. Some however, were not so upbeat.
"I'm glad Internet Explorer 6 has stopped responding. It serves him right for going on these dangerous missions. He can't expect to just skip there and back, can he? I mean, he's not one of those young, agile explorers, like Firefox. He should know his limits." commented Katherine Franklin, a casual observer, "sensible types like Netscape and AOL retired from this thing years ago, anyway. If you ask me, anyone stupid enough to continue after 6 long versions deserves to stop responding."
Whatever the opinion of some cynics, fears are growing across the nation for the explorer's safety. Internet Explorer 6's father, Internet Explorer 5, joined by 6's young son, Internet Explorer 7, made an appeal this afternoon for anyone with information on his son's whereabouts to contact him. A special envoy has also been dispatched by federal officials to www.cocksuckingbabes.net to search for the missing explorer. Though the future may look grim, a nation is uniting in hope for a lost hero, who we will all remember for his quirky toolbars, countless bugs, and horrific lag.