UnNews:Intelligence agencies near agreement

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Intelligence agencies near agreement

UnFair and UnBalanced

UnNews Logo Potato
Thursday, March 22, 2018, 04:51:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

21 September 2016


A non-violent protest against caliphates.

Somewhere, Anywhere -- An ongoing problem in the intelligence community has been the lack of uniformity in the acronyms used for a certain group of people who wish to establish a caliphate somewhere east of Great Britain and west of China. A bewildering variety of acronyms have crept into the top secret correspondence that passes between the world's intelligence agencies, leaving some of the operatives, and indeed entire agencies, confused about which group of caliphate promoters are being discussed.

Part of the problem has been the tendency of the caliphaters themselves to continually rebrand their organizations with another phrase in a language that does not lend itself to unambiguous translation into English. For example, the Popular Front for the Adoration of Random Terrorism (P-FART) may be transformed into the Brotherhood for Ongoing Occidental Bombing (BOOB).

Due to a recent surge in the inter-agency communication departments around the world and a feeling that intelligence agencies should really know what they are talking about, a proposal has been made for a uniform method of referring to groups seeking to win the hearts and minds of the people through unrelenting violence.

The initial breakthrough was the realization that all of these groups share a common characteristic. They are all a bunch of unwanted thugs (ABOUT). Simply by appending the general area of their activities, a systematic way of referring to them is available. For instance, the agencies concerned with the activities of one notable group may now refer to it as A Bunch Of Unwanted Thugs In the Middle East (ABOUTIME).

This brilliant solution has been welcomed by almost almost all of the world's intelligence agencies save for France. They have refused to use the "acronyme inglese", but are dissatisfied with the translated version UBVIDMO. Despite the linguistic sensitivities involved, a concerted effort is underway to convince the Direction générale de la sécurité extérieure of the advantages of the proposal. Further updates will be forthcoming.

edit Sources

Personal tools