UnNews:Inhabitants of the Moon Yell at NASA
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Inhabitants of the Moon Yell at NASA
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, August 25, 2016, 23:58:UTC)(
10 October 2009
LUNAR OBLITERATION CONTROL, Houston, Texas -- Last night saw NASA hurl two lumps of metal at the moon, hoping to create a cloud of dust and examine it for water. They failed. Both bits of machinery crashed without creating any dust. The results of this test proved that NASA are bunch of retards who managed to fuck up one of their easiest operations to date. They can't even crash properly, fer cryin' out loud.
Immediately after the aforementioned lack of dust was announced, citizens of Earth swamped NASA with calls saying that they did not think the bombing of the Moon was a good idea, because of the possibility of such collisions disrupting, even stopping, the tides on Earth as well as the periods of Earth's women (however, no complaints came from men about the period bit).
The scientists at NASA had predicted a six mile high cloud of dust, they didn't get anything. They were puzzled. Until they got another call about their great "achievement". Apparently, they had crashed both probes into a hole dug by the natives of the moon. A citizen of the moon called to complain about how NASA had crashed two lumps of metal, cheese and who knows what else into a crater that had been hollowed out to make a swimming pool for a huge underwater orgy. Some workmen had been killed in the process. The Moon-Man sounded angry.
NASA began to debate about whether or not they should tell the world that they had discovered aliens that might be angry enough to cause the the world to asplode. They agreed to wait until the Moon-Men removed the wreckage of their probes, filled the crater with water and had begun to have their orgy. They would then send in some more probes to crash into the crater again and hopefully kill everyone there. This way they can "discover" the water that the Moon-Men fill the pool with.
So, NASA went looking for water and accidentally find a venue for an alien underwater orgy. NASA quickly informed President Obama and asked him to negotiate a settlement with the Moon-Men. Obama, a recent winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, was delighted to have a chance to actually do something peaceful, instead of sending more troops to Afghanistan.
A NASA-arranged meeting between Obama, the Moon-Men, and some of the aliens who've been living at Area 51 since the 1940s, is scheduled for tonight in Bithlow, Florida, because it has a funny name, which in fact is much funnier than this article.
- Ian Sample "Nasa's lunar crash landing fails to raise moon dust". The Guardian, October 10, 2009