UnNews:Infertile woman blows herself up in a coffee shop, most pointless terrorist act ever
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Infertile woman blows herself up in a coffee shop, most pointless terrorist act ever
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, July 28, 2016, 20:17:UTC)(
19 October 2006
LONDON, England--In a really weird publicity stunt, a mildly-attractive English lady confirmed as sterile blew herself up yesterday in a coffee shop. The terrorist act was allegedly inspired by the "no-one-is-making-babies-anymore-film" Children of Men.
The bombing, however, was not such a big deal in London since it was considered "the most pointless terrorist act ever in English history," and she really wasn't that hot.
"Big deal! What a stupid thing to do," says bearded folk singer, Cocking Fox. "If she cannot make babies anymore, why not work for a stripclub doen at Soho? It's better than blowing yourself up in a coffee shop!"
Clive Owen, the actor in the movie Children of Men was coincidentally in the coffee shop during the explosion. He reacted angrily towards the lady who did it:
"You bitch! Look at what you've done! Now there are mocha stains all over my pants!" exclaimed Owen. "Can't she find something orginal? If she wants to piss me off like just what they did at my film Children of Men, why not just work as a whore instead? It works!"
Fans of Clive Owen who were still angry by the fact that James Bond producers chose Daniel Craig over Clive Owen, decided to give up and formed a web site called YouScrewedCliveOwensCoffeeandPants.com. The site uses Photoshopped images mocking the bomber and her ugly family.
A spokesperson for the webite commented, "People who did this should be ashamed of themselves. Why do it just because you're infertile? Does making babies mean that much to you? Or you like the movie Children of Men so much that you decided to do the same thing? Clive Owen, the greatest actor ever captured on film, is thoroughly miffed, you know!"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|