UnNews:Indian man marries dog
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
8 March 2009
TAMIL NADU, India -- Indian man Selvakumar has long regretted the day fifteen years ago when he stoned to death two dogs and hung them from a tree. The cynophobic, 33, had become increasingly annoyed with local mutts after he stepped in their mess several times - like many Indians in the poorer parts of the nation, Selvakumar does not wear shoes, so as you can imagine stepping in dogshit is an even more unpleasant experience for him than it is for decadent westerners such as ourselves. Ever since that fateful day, he has suffered a series of misfortunes which - as a devout Hindu - he has long suspected arose due his cruelty.
Eventually, convinced that there must be some connection between the events, he consulted a local astrologer. "I have suffered many things since that day," Selvakumar says. "First, the hand with which I picked up and threw the stones became paralysed. Then, my arm also. The paralysis spread to my legs and I was unable to walk, and before long I began to lose my hearing and sight."
Doctors had been at a loss to explain the symptoms, but the astrologer informed him that they were undoubtedly the result of a curse placed upon him by the dogs' spirits and that the only way to lift it was to show that he has reformed and is no longer a dog hater. The most effective way to do this, he said, was to marry one of their kind.
Family members selected a stray female dog, making absolutely certain they didn't accidentally choose a male dog because after all, they didn't want the situation to appear weird or perverse in any way, and named her Selvi. Once washed and dressed, she was taken to the local temple where she and Selvakumar were married in a traditional Hindu ceremony conducted by a priest. The man's family then enjoyed a wedding feast while Selvi was given a bun.
The dog bolted at one point, later put down to the fact that she had become nervous and afraid due to the large, milling crowds. However, she later told reporters, "To be absolutely honest, I suddenly had severe misgivings over the wedding - I don't know why, but it seemed somehow wrong. Anyway, I'm perfectly alright now and looking forward to tonight when my new husband and I consummate the marriage."
UnNews: bringing you breaking news, as and when it happens.