UnNews:Increased sunspot activity cause for concern at Vatican
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Increased sunspot activity cause for concern at Vatican
Straight talk, from straight faces
Wednesday, January 18, 2017, 10:08:UTC)(
21 May 2009
THE VATICAN, Rome -- Vatican astrologers are gearing up for the season of increased sunspot activity. The "Solar Year" is approximately 11 Earth years in duration, with maximums and minimums of up to several years, and predictions by Roman Catholic astrological prognosticators call for especially powerful outbursts beginning soon.
Of interest to Vatican scientists are solar storms, which can interfere with satellites, and potentially destroy electronic equipment world wide. Prof. Dr. Father Vincenzo Minotauri of the Vatican's' "Watching The Sky For Signs From God" bureau in Naples explained, "Solar storms and the resultant radiation which strikes the Earth is widely known for its' capacity for electronic interference, but other, more deadly side effects have been discovered. Historical records bear this out."
In 1842, the entire village of San Gastromomu, Romania turned gay. In 1916 the entire planet went bat fuck insane. In 1976, the United States celebrated its' bicentennial year of existence, coinciding with the secret Freemason Holy Year of Animal Sex
The Prof. Dr. Father continued, saying "We (The Roman Catholic Church Inner Cabal) intend to shelter all worthy Catholics during this intense radiational phenomenon, so as to protect their virtues and begin a new race of 'Super-Catholics with which to take over the world."
Opus Dei has been building shelters for the saved in the Europe and the Americas, and arming themselves with reconnaissance drone aircraft, Israeli small arms and rockets. There will be an extra collection the next three Sundays for this worthy cause.