UnNews:Impassioned Fans Fight To Save Beloved Neverland Ranch
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Impassioned Fans Fight To Save Beloved Neverland Ranch
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, February 22, 2017, 18:34:UTC)(
28 March 2009
SANTA BARBARA, California -- Several fans of embattled pop star Michael Jackson took to the streets this morning in a show of protest against the apparent dismantling of his 3,000 acre private amusement park, Neverland Ranch. As many as twelve young women and boys, who describe themselves as "Jacko fans 4ever", carried signs and shouted slogans as they made their way slowly down State street.
"We are trying to show Michael that we still care," said 16-year-old Hannah Barjonas, tears streaming down her face. "We feel that if Michael shuts Neverland down, then the dirty cops and the terrorists win. We won't let him do it, no way!"
The ranch was opened in 1988 to much fanfare and derision. Attendance at the park was by invitation only, and it cost a daunting $5,000 per person, significantly higher than nearby Disneyland. In December of 2004, officers from Santa Barbara County Sheriff's department raided the compound as part of an investigation into allegations of Jacko's sexual abuse of young boys. After a brush with foreclosure on the park, which was averted by the generosity of an unknown benefactor, the King of Pop had finally had enough.
The park, according to sources close to the star, had been sullied by the "stinky jackboots of the big ugly police mens that couldn't understand how much Michael loves the little boys and would never hurt them while he was sleeping with them. He never ever ever wants to see that stinky place ever again". So, with that, along with the fact that no one knows who owns the place anymore due to sketchiness of the foreclosure-prevention agreement details, he began proceedings to dismantle the place and shut it down forever.
But the dozen or so fans who care are undaunted. They believe they can convince Mr. Jackson that this dismantling is exactly what the bad people want him to do, and they are imploring him not to go through with it.
"I never even got a chance to see it," cried 12-year-old Justin Boozler. "I just wanted to ride the merry-go-round and sleep with Michael." But all indications are that the protests are falling on deaf ears, as heavy machinery has been seen dismantling the rides at the park since November of 2008. The dreams of little Justin and his handful of supporters are apparently not going to come true.