UnNews:Immigrants told "no murderings or violent robbings" in new 'behaviour packs'
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
4 February 2008
The government today announced "revolutionary" new approach in tackling immigrant crime. Instead of simply arresting them and shipping the savages back to "where they come from" a small pamphlet with "recommendations and encouragements on behaviour expectations" will be distributed to all potential offenders.
Immigrants will be given welcome packs that will encourage them not to "set up prostitution or child slavery rackets" - or "send young children to beg on streets or lock up young women in seedy dens of vice". The packs will contain information on "suggested expectations of behaviour" that include not stabbing old women for their purses and not running down young children in uninsured cars.
Communities Secretary Hazel Bleurgh wants to make sure "immigrants are encouraged to obey the law without being unnecessarily offended. The used of pamphlets is a good, cost-effective approach that is careful not to be overtly confrontational or excessively authoritarian."
Romanian "people farmer" Igor Hagi, who arrived into the UK in the back of a lorry on Friday, expressed an opinion of the leaflet that was representative of many immigrants who were issued with it, "I wipe my fat hairy arse on this hahaha!"
Igor then went on with his business as usual, "I have twenty lovely woman in my flat, you want a try? £50 introductory offer for you my friend."