UnNews:Immigrants now "taking most of the air we breath"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Where man always bites dog|
17 January 2008
IMMIGRANTS NOW CONSUME NEARLY A THIRD OF THE AIR WE BREATH in England, according to an official report, sponsored by the Daily Mail. Foreign nationals breath almost 1.5million tonnes of English atmosphere a DAY, leaving many English families with the very real fear of asphyxiation.
Migrants from Eastern Europe are increasingly laying claim to more of the air we breath. Experts predict that by 2015 many white middle class families will be lying in the street, clutching their throats in a futile effort to draw a breath of fresh air whilst vast swathes of Eastern European immigrants enjoy invigorating brisk walks in the fresh air at OUR LUNGS expense.
More worryingly, the total, which is the first to be produced by Whitehall, does not include migrants who have since been granted British citizenship and continue to consume the air we breath "at frightening rates". The true figure of air consumption by those allowed into the country under Government immigration policy will be even higher.
"Its a blooming #cough# disgrace #coughcough#", lorry driver Vernon Featheringhamton wheezed angrily this morning, "I mean #hack0cough# look at me, I'm dying here and its all them gypsy Romanian bastards #cough# fault! They come over here #splutter# and steal the very air we #huuaaarrrgh# breath. I say #coff# Hitler got it #hak# right."