UnNews:Illuminati celebrates Facebook success in NWO plan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
18 January 2011
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Ben Bernanke, Chairman of the Federal Reserve and a spokesperson for an all-powerful conglomerate of the Bilderberg Group, the Rothschilds, and the Illuminati, announced that they are all celebrating the amazing success of Facebook.
For centuries, this mysterious, clandestine conspiracy of one-worlders has planned for the "New World Order (NWO)," which would bring all nations and all peoples under the control of a single world government, a United States of Earth, secretly controlled by themselves. And the key to their success was the ability to catalog, track and control everyone on Earth--not just take a census, but create a single database categorizing and locating everyone.
The Illuminati, who are fronted by the Federal Reserve Board and the World Bank, knew they could not force the freedom-loving peoples of Earth to agree to such an intrusive database. Therefore, they hatched a plan to trick the people to personally and voluntarily sacrifice their freedom and privacy.
“The people would never agree to be catalogued, but we got this Zuckerberg kid to trick them into creating the database themselves,” Mr. Bernanke laughed. “The idiots fell right into the trap! Now we have everyone who counts in one Database – their whereabouts, friends, preferences, everything.”
When Mr. Zuckerberg was asked about his connection to the Illuminati and New World Order plan, he replied with a laugh, “It was so easy to fool the entire world into starting the NWO database that it makes me laugh! They call me a nerd. What a bunch of total suckers. And I got paid a fortune to do it.”
Meanwhile, President Barack Obama had glowing praise for Facebook, “Sure, it’s exactly what we always needed to create the NWO. But the only way it could happen was to fool the people into accepting it.”
When asked about his constituents without Internet access, Mr. Obama replied, “I've filed new legislation to close a 'loophole' in the Health Care Affordability Act. We've already enabled the IRS to fine citizens for not having health insurance; it's a small matter to fine them for not having an Internet Service Provider too. 'Universal coverage' is my total focus this year....Or was it jobs?”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|