UnNews:Illinois driver accused of hit-and-run with tree

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Illinois driver accused of hit-and-run with tree

The news outlet with approval higher than Congress

UnNews Logo Potato
Saturday, February 24, 2018, 08:36:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

11 February 2011


The victim, here pictured before the accident, was no Rhodes scholar, either.

CHICAGO, Illinois -- Proving that truth is stranger than fiction and occasionally funnier, a Yorkville man has been arrested and ticketed for a hit-and-run accident. The victim was a local 39 year old tree.

According to the Kane County sheriff's office, an officer dispatched to an accident scene at Fox and High Point roads about 10:51 p.m. Wednesday night found a badly damaged car, a tree in shock, and no driver. The tree was alive and badly shaken, but the driver had disappeared.

When contacted, the owner of the car told police he was driving westbound, lost control, passed a stop sign, drove through the intersection, hit the tree, got out of his car and went home.” He then asked the police if there was anything wrong, as he couldn’t see what all the fuss was about.

Bryan Duselski, 32, told the deputy he hadn't been hurt and didn't report the accident, nor exchange papers with the victim, because he thought he was Polish and he believed Poles were exempted from American laws. He figured that he didn't have to do anything, police said in the accident report.

Duselski was taken into custody "for hit-and-run," the report said, and ticketed for disobeying a stop sign, failure to reduce speed to avoid an accident, leaving the scene of an accident, failing to report an accident, failing to give information after striking property, failure to apologize and showing disrespect to a friendly tree, and finally, for being a total idiot.

A spokesperson from the Kane County sheriff's office told the media, “Yes, there actually is a law against stupidity – and this guy was caught red-handed.”

edit Sources

Personal tools