UnNews:Ikea furniture found to contain traces of horse meat

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8 March 2013

Hoersinstructions

Critics suggest that compliance may run deeper than Ikea's board of directors realise

STOCKHOLM, Sweden -- Ikea, the world's largest flat-pack frustration company, has withdrawn part of its 2013 line over fears that it may contain horse meat.

In light of recent panic in Europe over the inclusion of horse meat in just about every item of food conceivable, Swedish firm Ikea has been in the spotlight multiple times over the course of the scandal. Earlier this year in February, meatballs served in the cafeterias of Ikea stores worldwide were found to contain mince containing horse DNA by testers in the Czech Republic, further adding to the food scare.

Restaurant Manager for Ikea Mr Björn Björnson tweeted "Our meals have always been low in fat and shergar, and we are sorry for not doing better", which a spokesperson for Ikea has stated was "Unhelpful, but with good intentions". Only two days ago stores in China and Korea withdrew chocolate cake from sale in restaurants after faecal bacteria, most likely from horses, were found in samples from one restaurant. However, Korean critics were outraged at the news that the cake did not contain dog or cat faecal matter either.

But it has now been confirmed that the extent of the continent-wide scandal is reaching new areas after independent testing in the UK has revealed traces of horse DNA in Ikea's range of ready-to-assemble furniture on Tuesday. The offending furniture has been withdrawn from stores worldwide to be recycled into glue. One uneducated man on benefits in Leeds, UK exclaimed "It was bad enough having to know what I'm eating, now I need to know what I'm sitting on as well?!"

Ikea PR Manager Karl Djupröven offered UnNews this statement "I am told that this is a result of failures at the lowest level, and we are offering no other statements at this time"

In other news, Ikea has stated on Facebook that they are now routinely screening for horse DNA amongst all their staff.


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