UnNews:Idiot thown off plane in France
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Idiot thown off plane in France
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, September 26, 2016, 22:28:UTC)(
7 September 2006
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PARIS, France -- A young whelp described by police as "not one of us" has voiced his outrage at having been thrown off B.A. flight no. 4857 from Paris O rly? airport because he was behaving suspiciously and the passengers were all getting a bit edgy.
"I am outraged", said Brian 'Cat Stevens' Terrorist of Birmingham, England.
"I thought it would be funny if I got a football and painted it black and put a fuse out the top. Then I wrote bomb on the side in white paint and lit the fuse while I was going through passport control. For a laugh, you know? This passport guy points at me and asks...
and I say "Zis is a beuuuumb"
and he says "A what?"
and I say "a beuuuumb"
and he says "Who do you think you are, pal, Peter Sellers or something?"
and I say "No, officeuuur, zis is a beuuuumb"
and then all these children started crying and people were throwing chairs at me, and these armed police came and took my bomb away.
I said it was just a joke, you know, but people kept looking at me funny. Probably because I'm from Birmingham or something."
"Anyway, when we were on the plane, I thought it would be really amusing if I got my mobile phone and attached it to an alarm clock with these wires. I was trying so hard not to laugh when I leapt out of my chair and yelled out"
"Zis plane is going down in za name of Allah, people, and don't you forget it! I have a beuuuumb...".
There were a few nervous giggles but mostly it was screaming, and then the pilot came on the radio and said he wasn't putting so much as a toe on the fucking accelerator until I was back in the airport with all my luggage.
So they threw me off the plane.
"I can't believe it really. It was all just a bit of harmless fun, you know. Then these airport security were getting all heavy on me because I wouldn't take off my 'suicide beuuuumb belt'. I'd made it from old toilet rolls and sticky back plastic, but they pointed all these guns at me and told me to get on the floor and everything. I mean, come on! I'm a free citizen just like anyone, just like Rolf Harris or Idi Amin is. Its these French police -- no sense of humor. That's what it is."
Mr. Terrorist has consulted a solicitor who has advised him to consult another one.