UnNews:Iceland disappears, world in shock
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Iceland disappears, world in shock
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 24, 2016, 15:51:UTC)(
31 July 2006
WASHINGTON, USA – The world is in chaos as evidence revels that the small country of Iceland has disappeared off the face of the earth. Recent satellite images of the country reveal nothing but ocean, rocks, and the remains of a small fishing vessel named “The Fishing”. Attempts to communicate with the country by phone have proved futile. Most experts agree - the country is gone, perhaps never to return.
"Look at this image;” says professor of Icelandic studies at Oxford University Christopher Wilton, referring to the satellite images of a missing Iceland, “It’s gone. Here’s Greenland, here’s some water, but no Country! It’s crazy!” Although some third-world countries have dismissed this as “Some kind of American trick”, most countries are in a state of panic. Terrorist involvement is rumored, but not yet confirmed. The president is expected to hold a press conference in the next hour, leaving the press with only the remark “Iceland? Where the heck is that?”
Little is known as to the exact date and time of the disappearance, as no one whatsoever has actually cared to look up Iceland in the past eleven days. Top German and Chinese scientists are hard at work unraveling the mystery. Any news will be reported as it happens.
As of now, countries located in and around Iceland’s “Sphere of Influence” are being quarantined by the US government on the basis that “They might have the sickness”. These countries include Greenland, Canada, most of Scandinavia, Great Britain, Ireland, Scotland, and North Korea. What the sickness is, however, remains unknown. Rumors that the government is keeping knowledge from its citizens are circulating, although most are far-fetched.
The news of the disappearance has sparked tension in the Far North. Canada, who only last month signed a peace treaty with Greenland ending the two year long Cana-Greenian War, is blaming Greenland for the disappearance of its ally. Prime Minister Stephen Harper is quoted as saying “We don’t know how you did it, making them just disappear, but it was damn cool anyway. We just don’t like your country.” Hate crimes against Greenlandians have been reported in rural town across Canada, frequently halted by the United States Army currently “quarantining” the country.
In the Middle East, all fighting has squealed to a halt. The reason is quoted as being “No one is paying any attention to us anymore. It’s just “Iceland this!” and “Disappearance that!” I mean, hello! We’re in the middle of a holy war, people! Come on!”
When asked if Iceland Grand Marshal Björk was in the island country at the time of its disappearance, Professor Wilton answered “No comment” leading the people to suspect the worst. (TRNN news, Mick Frank)