UnNews:I Am Not An Al Gore Denier - Richard "Dick" Lindzen

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Protected "UnNews:I Am Not An Al Gore Denier - Richard "Dick" Lindzen" [edit=autoconfirmed:move=autoconfirmed] (expires 03:06, 20 March 2009 (UTC)))
m (Protected "UnNews:I Am Not An Al Gore Denier - Richard "Dick" Lindzen": Featured article ([edit=autoconfirmed] (indefinite) [move=autoconfirmed] (indefinite)))
 

Latest revision as of 07:52, May 25, 2011

This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!

26 February 2009

It has been said that I advocate the position that Al Gore does not exist, but this is not accurate. While I have said that Al Gore is not a real political figure, but simply a figment of the liberal elite's imagination, this does not mean I think Al Gore has not ever happened. Understanding my exact terminology will help clarify this issue.

I am not an Al Gore denier. That is an unfair and, frankly, inflammatory accusation. Clearly, Al Gore is a real phenomenon. In fact, making a careful observation of any given area's telephone listing, it is clear that several Al Gores make legitimate claims to actually existing. What I do say with absolute scientific confidence is that any instance of Al Gore that may occasionally appear is a mere consequence of cyclical natural processes, and not the result of any human-caused electoral process. Simply put, there is no undeniable scientific evidence that the politician and global warming advocate and documentarian known as Al Gore is an actual, non-fictional being.

Look at the chart below. The marked difference between Al Gore's predicted popularity and its actual trend clearly contradicts the Al Gore proponents' key "proof" of his existence.

Algorechart
Note: the popularity prediction figures shown here are mine: they indicate my reasonably expected popularity of a figure such as is described by the Al Gore proponents. It should be noted that for this reason, proponents have called this argument a "straw man", but I am a scientist, not a farmer. I don't know what the term means.

It is more likely that the Al Gore this chart describes is an unknown machinist from Pittsburgh, whose influence on the environment is minimal at best. Alarmists would shout that Al Gore is a force to be dealt with immediately or we will surely all perish in flames. However, we can see that he is most likely not even a real person, and to implement any policy based on something this fictitious figure is claimed to have said is simply irresponsible.

Also, smoking does not cause cancer.

—Richard "Dick" Lindzen.
Richardlindzen

Dick Lindzen is an asexual scientist with perfectly legal financial ties to legitimate tobacco and oil companies. He has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer. Proceeds from donations to the Lindzen Foundation all go toward finding the real cause of his condition.


190px-Featured.png

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 17 March 2009
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/17 March 2009Template:FA/2009</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects