UnNews:ISIS declares Islamic Planet of Earth
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ISIS declares Islamic Planet of Earth
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, June 29, 2016, 11:07:UTC)(
13 July 2014
MOSUL, IPE -- The leaders of al Qaeda’s reformation group, ISIS, based out of Syria, have been fighting for an Islamic Earth a long time. Even Senator McCain paid them a courtesy call last year to honor their commitment. Now, suddenly, they have branched out seemingly everywhere, seizing vast portions of both the northern and western hemispheres, and they have already declared the establishment of an Islamic planet and demanded allegiance from all other groups, including their despised fellow-Muslim brothers the Shia.
In a statement posted online that coincided with the 62ndth anniversary of the first issue of Mad Magazine, a spokesman for ISIS, announced that the group's leader, Abu Baghdadi, is the “Calligrapher” of a vast planet whose territory extends from the left side of the city of Aleppo in Syria, all the way around the Earth ending on the right side of Diyala in Iraq.
The spokesman, Abu al-Adnani, described al-Baghdadi as “the iMam®” and calligrapher (scribe) for humans everywhere. He also said that with the establishment of the world calligraphate, the group was changing its name to the Islamic State of Earth, dropping the mention of Iraq and the maLevolent, and henceforth the ISE will be reinstituting universal stone age Sharia law everywhere, Including East Los Angeles and Monaco's Monti Carlo.
“The legality of all governments, emirates, groups, clubs, political parties, states, banks, corporations and organizations becomes null by the expansion of the calligrapher’s authority and the eventual arrival of ISE troops to all areas,” al-Adnani continued. “Listen to your calligrapher and obey him. Support the Old World Order, which dribbles every day.”
Dr. Al-Baghdadi DD, an Iraqi super-militant obviously empowered by the profit, and who has a bounty on his head higher than Han Solo, took control of the world virtually over night. Since then al-Baghdadi's stature has grown to the extent that he has the balls to declare himself the Calligrapher of the entire human race.
In Washington, the Obama administration called on the international community to unite in giving peace a chance. But, as usual, Russia's western-demonized President Putin begged to differ.
- FOX News "Sunni militants declare Islamic state in Iraq and Syria". Repeater, July 13, 2014