UnNews:IMF calls for dollar alternative as oil spikes
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
IMF calls for dollar alternative as oil spikes
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 3, 2015, 19:35:UTC)(
27 February 2011
NEW YORK CITY, New York -- The bad news is that the U.S. dollar, which over the last century has lost 98% of its value, now seems set to become totally worthless. The good news is that, thanks to the stimulus, everyone has big wads of dollars in both pockets. Everyone but foreigners, that is; and consequently, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) has proposed a replacement currency: The Special Drawing Right, or SDR.
The IMF created SDRs, LOL, in 1969 and they can be converted into whatever currency, including wampum such as seashells, a borrower requires at exchange rates set by the authorities. When it is time to repay the loan, the borrower uses a nation's money, based on the exchange rate the IMF pulled out of a bodily orifice that day, whether or not it relates to the money originally borrowed. This is the system that makes life so sweet in Venezuela today.
While the SDR has no notes or coins, or anything else you can put in a vending machine, and no cabbies nor restaurants accept it, these are thought minor problems to overcome, en route to replacing a U.S. currency with no backing with an international currency with no backing.
Dominique Strauss-Kahn, managing director of the IMF, acknowledged there are some "technical hurdles" involved with SDRs, such as whose face to put on the penny coin. Sentiment is moving in favor of the bust of Osama bin Laden, as this would secure the vote of staunch U.S. ally Saudi Arabia, staunch U.S. ally Iraq, staunch U.S. ally Kuwait, and the budding anti-U.S. "democracy" in Egypt.
Strauss-Kahn says, "Soon, there will be a role for the SDR to contribute to a more stable international monetary system," by replacing the increasingly worthless dollar by a currency that is worthless by design. For example, the world would be a more stable place if burgeoning oil indebtedness could be converted into SDRs, which would immediately render it impossible to repay.
In addition to serving as a reserve currency, the IMF also proposed creating SDR-denominated bonds to replace U.S. Treasury bonds, and proposed that assets such as suitcase nuclear bombs and cocaine, traditionally traded in dollars, be priced using SDRs.