UnNews:ICC calls emergency meeting because I kick too much ass at Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

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28 June 2010


Crimes against humanity.

THE HAGUE, The Netherlands -- The International Criminal Court called an emergency meeting this afternoon because I officially kick too much ass at Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. "It is simply unethical how good he is" said Wilhelm Thorbecke, one of the court's presiding judges after I went 38 and 3 this evening in Team Deathmatch Express, two of my three deaths coming from a well-placed Claymore mine and some douchebag with a noob tube. "This gamer's kill-death ratio clearly violates the Geneva Convention's stipulations on asymmetric warfare. It is the opinion of this court that what that young man has done over the last month, and last night in particular, constitutes a number of crimes against humanity" continued Thorbecke.

These accusations come on the heels of an evening where I tore shit up more so than I normally do, as I had just unlocked the silencer for the TAR-21 and the Pavelow killstreak reward, which enabled me to tear shit up at levels unseen since before I entered Prestige Mode earlier last week.

"On behalf of the ICC and this tribunal, I pledge to do as much as international law allows me to do to prosecute this war criminal, which isn't much, given that our jurisdiction is basically nonexistent" said a resolute Thorbecke.

As it stands, an accusation of crimes against humanity is the greatest and most high-profile criticism levied against my Call of Duty playing to date since that Weedbanger42020 kid filed a complaint against me for tampering.

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